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A parent? A Little League baseball coach or behind the bench of a minor hockey team? What does it take to get ahead? To separate yourself from the competition? To lead a less stressful and happier existence? To be fulfilled in personal and professional pursuits? What is the most important dynamic of your makeup?

Is it your A intelligence quotient? Your intelligence quotient can be a predictor of things such as academic achievement. So, if you're looking to build your emotional intelligence , where do you start? In my new book, EQ Applied: The Real-World Guide to Emotional Intelligence, I outline a number of clear, practical tips that you can implement in your daily routine, most of which take only a few minutes a day.

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Carve out some time this week to answer a few of the following questions. Then, ask them of someone you trust. When a doctor tries to diagnose a problem, he or she will ask you to describe the pain you're feeling. They might ask you to use words like sharp, dull, burning, shooting, aching, cramping, gnawing, heavy, splitting, stabbing, nauseating, throbbing, and tender. The more specific you get, the easier for your doctor to diagnose the problem and prescribe proper treatment.


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It works similarly with your emotions: By using specific words to describe your feelings, it's easier to get to their root cause, enabling you to better deal with them. So, the next time you experience a strong emotional reaction, take time afterward to process not only what you're feeling, but also why.

Try to put your feelings into words; then, determine what you want to do about the situation. If you feel yourself beginning to respond emotionally to a situation, take a pause. If possible, go for a short walk. Once you've had the chance to calm down, come back and decide how you want to move forward. If you tend to put your foot in your mouth, agree too quickly to commitments, or otherwise say something you later regret, ask yourself three quick questions which I learned from Craig Ferguson before speaking:.

In contrast, if you're more introverted and often find that later you wish you had expressed yourself in a specific moment or situation, ask yourself:. When you communicate, your conversation partner will often react in the same style or tone you choose. If you speak in a calm, rational voice, they'll respond similarly.

50 tips for improving your emotional intelligence

Yell or scream, and they start yelling and screaming, too. If a discussion begins to escalate, focus your efforts on "dialing it back" by softening your tone or even lowering your voice. You'll be surprised at how your partner follows your lead. Before revisiting a touchy topic, give careful thought as to where and when to speak, with the goal of having a calm and rational discussion.


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  • It's also important to consider how you will reintroduce the subject. For example, opening with an apology, with an expression of gratitude, or by acknowledging where you and your communication partner agree may lead the other person to lower his or her guard and become more open to what you have to say.

    If emotion is clouding your judgment, take a moment to fast-forward and consider the consequences of your actions--both short- and long-term. Doing so can help you achieve clarity of mind and make sound decisions that you're proud of. If you find yourself struggling with negative emotions, ask yourself: What is this feeling telling me? Can I use this emotion to motivate me to make a change?

    An "emotional hijack" is a situation in which you completely lose control of your emotions. Often, it's a series of circumstances or events that culminates in an action that pushes you "over the edge. Once you begin to understand why you reacted the way you did, you can train your default reaction so you respond differently next time. It's great to be kind and helpful to others, but you have your limits.

    50 tips for improving your emotional intelligence

    If you say yes to every request for your time and energy, you put yourself on the path to burnout. And remember, every time you say yes to something you don't really want, you're actually saying no to the things you do want. Get specific. For example, authors Sheila Heen and Douglas Stone advise asking your manager or a trusted colleague:. When you receive criticism, resist the urge to take it personally. Instead, focus on answering two questions:. Remember that most criticism is rooted in truth.

    And even when it isn't, it gives you a valuable window into the perspective of others. The next time someone commends you, thank this person politely.


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    Later, ask yourself the following:. When a person tells you about a personal struggle, listen carefully.

    Resist the urge to judge the person or situation, to interrupt and share your personal experience, or to propose a solution. Steven J. Book Format: eBook. Digital delivery to your. Walmart eBooks App. Sold by Wiley. Product Highlights Learn to boost your emotional intelligence for success in life and business—in a day!

    About This Item We aim to show you accurate product information.

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    Manufacturers, suppliers and others provide what you see here, and we have not verified it. See our disclaimer. Uses everyday examples of healthy ways to deal with stressful situations Written by a recognized expert on psychological assessment and emotional intelligence who is also the author of Emotional Intelligence For Dummies This e-book also links to an online component at dummies.

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    What is Emotional Intelligence and How to Develop it in 6 Steps!

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